Descriptive communication

Descriptive communication focuses on problems separately from the people involved. This helps to avoid offending others or making overly critical statements.

Rules of descriptive communication:

Share your perceptions using “I” language
- “I don’t understand what you mean.”
Share your own thoughts and feelings
- “I feel like we should reconsider this.”
Describe only facts and observations
- “I noticed that these labels aren’t consistent.”
Avoid comparisons
- “I like the way that Steve explained it.”

Evaluative communication

Evaluative communication makes judgement or assesses the quality of something. This may put pressure on other people and cause them to get defensive.

Rules of evaluative communication:

Place blame by using “you” language
- “You’re not being clear about what you need.”
Use evaluation words and labels
- “You’re a slow and unmotivated worker.”
Generalize situations
- “You’re always late. You never meet deadlines.”
Use comparative statements
- “Steve explained it better than you.”

“Let’s go somewhere nice.”

Sound good? What’s “nice” to you?

What’s nice for one person may not be nice to others. Some may think of a sunny beach resort, while others would rather go camping in the woods.

Using vague or generalized evaluative communication may cause misunderstandings and false expectations.

But don’t let it get to you

When someone uses a lot of evaluative communication, they may not realize how their comments come across.

Keep in mind that others can only provide their own perspective. Evaluative statements are based on the speaker’s own experiences, values, and knowledge.

If people say “you’re good” or “you’re bad”, this only reveals that person’s opinion of what’s good or bad.

Instead of letting evaluation bother you, try translating it into a more objective statement, like “based on their experience, they think I’m bad at this.”